One Hand

Typing with one hand is a pain in the butt. I feel like that old guy who never learned to type and uses only two fingers. But I have nothing else to do so I am going to write this with the least amount of frustration as possible. I can only type with one hand, because today I had surgery on my arm. So if you are moving or need my help carrying something, sorry I can’t lift anything for two weeks. The surgery is for a new way to access my veins for dialysis. It is called a fistula. It’s basically a huge vein sticking out of my arm. Don’t be frightened the first time you see it. It may be very alarming. There are a few advantages to having this tumor coming out of my arm put in. First and probably most important is I can take a shower. That’s right I haven’t taken a shower since March. I take bathes, but I feel taking a bath is basically swimming in your own filth. So if you have smelled a stench coming off my body, thank you for not saying anything. Ignorance is bliss. The other benefit is that I get better dialysis this way. The new vein that they morphed into a giant vein carries more blood thus, the dialysis machine can process more blood in four hours, and I guess that is just as important as taking a shower.
The best part of going for the surgery is I am on a streak of three weeks in the hospital. I wasn’t in three weeks a straight but one day each week. First for my blood pressure, then for food poisoning, and today for fistula placement. Maybe next week will be my appendix. Just Kidding.